This is so hard!

Egg collection was Monday and the procedure itself went fine (apart from waking up in the middle of it but they quickly noticed and knocked me back out) but my hormones were through the roof and they ended up getting 20 eggs which was a big shock. These factors combined meant that they weren't happy to do a potential (I say potential because nothing is a given) fresh transfer so we have to go to potential elective freeze.

The cherry on top of this that I have to take Clexane and Cetrotide injections every evening for two weeks and also a tablet that I can't remember the name of. This is to thin my blood to prevent clots and also to try and bring my system back to normal. These injections are really hurting at this stage. At least with stims it was all for a good cause - every injection was bringing us closer and giving us a better chance for more follicles. It's hard to find the silver lining for these and my tummy is just so beat up at this stage that we're just injecting into bruised tissue constantly. Oh well. I can handle the physical side of this...

The mental side on the other hand is a challenge, as I expected it would be. Out of our 20 eggs, 17 were mature and 12 fertilised. This gives us a roughly 71% fertilisation rate, compared to 58% last time. This is the positive that I'm clinging to. Hopefully a higher fertilisation rate in turn means better quality eggs and/or sperm? I don't know if there's any foundation to this but that's what I'm hoping.

I.AM.TERRIFIED of the phone call that we're due to receive on Sunday that will let us know if any of our embryos make it to freeze. All I can do is try to distract myself in the meantime but the worry is constantly there. I feel bad for my poor mother who knows we're doing IVF but I haven't been able to tell her anything that's happened this week (apart from letting her know I'm fine post-collection). I just can't bring myself to talk about it/vocalise it. Luckily she's not very familiar with how the whole thing goes so she possibly doesn't even notice my radio silence on the subject. Please God, please let this be our time. Please let our little embryos stay strong and healthy and please give us the strength to deal with whatever comes our way.